I am addicted

Hi my name is Kim and I am addicted to food. I have a strong addiction to food. If I'm not eating it I am looking at recipes or watching someone else cook.

I struggle now with eating. I am not hungry but I force myself to eat and that usually doesn't agree with me. I am not sure if it is my food choices that make me sick or that I eat to fast.

I have always been the first one at the table. Mouth watering waiting impatiently for everyone to be seated. I would be on my seconds when the family would still be finishing their first helping.

As a child I remember staying at my grandmothers house and would have a grill cheese and chocolate shake before bed. They spoiled me! My grandmother would get up in the middle of the night for a snack and I would follow. This is a family curse, my father does this too. I have gotten out of the habit of night time eating.

I still have cravings even when I am not hungry. I will watch other people eat at work and the next thing I know I am walking to the cafeteria looking around. I get depressed every time I go in there. I look for a good healthy food choice. I make a selection and I am get excited as I walk back to the office.

I sit down to eat and within 2 bites I am sick to my stomach and praying that it won't come up. Most of the time it comes up and I feel better but drained of energy.

I have been throwing up off and on for about 2 weeks. One day a food works and the next I am sick from it.

Last night I ate an egg. I thought that would stay down. I ate half and there was that feeling. It hits instantly out of no where. Off to the bathroom and up it comes.

I am beginning to wonder if I am getting enough in. I don't get sick at every meal but it happens 50% of the time.

I want this to work for me and I feel I am slowly conquering my addiction. I don't think that I will ever fully get over it. I will have to be aware of my problem and live with it for the rest of my life.

I hope that the choices that I make now will teach my kids to be healthy adults. I want this cycle to end with me.